My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
