I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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