i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
