it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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