How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
