we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
