worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
