And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
did i just pee glitter
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize