I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
