I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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