Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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