I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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