She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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