I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
