You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
birth control should be required to get into college
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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