At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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