i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
