Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
