I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize