Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
