She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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