just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
