if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
