So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
