That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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