i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
