I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
