I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
