Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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