I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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