My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
