Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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