Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
