Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
