In the future we'll all be gay
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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