This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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