Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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