I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
