I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
