Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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