I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
