I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
