not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
