Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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