I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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