For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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