All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's official drugs can't kill me
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Maybe he injected his testicle?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
