sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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