did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
