The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
