You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I know her cup size but not her name....
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
