The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
