You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
