do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
