I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
