This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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