your thong is hanging out like whoa
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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