Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Randomize
