Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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