i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
