He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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