Plan B is the new Plan A
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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