ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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