His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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