I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You're breaking my sexual little heart
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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