Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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