Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
