I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
