We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
