I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
