the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
