considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
