your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
There's always time for handjobs
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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