I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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