I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
