I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
