So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
