I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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