Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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