Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
