When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
