how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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