I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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