I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
