Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Randomize
