I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
