Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Less talking, more tequila
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize