There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
